Are You Being True To You? It's Not Too Late To Be Who You Wanted To Be.
“Once upon a time there was a little girl with big
dreams that you promised you’d make real one day.
Don’t disappoint yourself.”
As I write, a quote from George Elliot keeps coming to mind, “It’s never too late to be what you might have been.”
It’s. Never. Too. Late.
Really. It isn’t. Because you are the writer of your own story. I am the writer of my own story. Are you living your best life? Do you speak your truth?
Bossbabes Inc., posted a fabulous quote the other day that fits perfectly with my blog topic this month, “Behind every woman taking massive action, is the little girl she promised she’d show up for. Go after her dreams. And do not take no for an answer.” With that in mind, are you on the path, that as a young girl you envisioned you’d be on? Go back, go way back… to that little girl walking around barefoot on the sidewalk in the summer sun. That little girl full of innocence, giggles and fearlessness, the one who was ready to conquer the world head on. Worry less. Be like her. Remember her? She is still in there…inside of you. Waiting. It’s not too late. Go get her.
I am on the cusp of my 49th Birthday. In fact, when this is published, I will have already entered the last year of my forties. When I write that down or say it out loud, it has a scary, loud, intimidating ring to it. Scary in the sense of lost time. In the context of, where did my forties go? Almost nine years flew by in a blink of an eye. They say the days are long, but the years are short. And that is so very true. My husband and I frequently question how time progresses so quickly, how we now have more grey in our hair, how the kids are so much older, how it feels like we just had them…
Sure, a lot has happened in this almost decade…. I turned 40 right before I had my son, Harrison. On my 40th Birthday I remember thinking, “Damn, I feel old.”
Old in the sense of having a child at that age. Did I ever think I’d be pregnant at 40, with my second child? Absolutely not. Because in all reality, the so called plan, preconceived notions or thoughts I’d formerly had in my head, had me having babies much younger. Was it the end of the world? No. It actually was the start of a wonderful, beautiful new chapter in our lives.
But what’s looming about this birthday is, it feels like I am on the countdown to the end of an era. Because it will be an end of an era for me… As of next year at this time I will have been alive for five decades, a half of century, a semicentennial, a quinquagenary. Next year I will celebrate my “golden jubilee” birthday. What in the hell!? With all of those fancy labels, no wonder it makes me feel old!
Seriously though, the countdown to 50 has been a time of reflection and questioning. Inside I do not feel closer to 50 than 40. Inside, I still feel like that little girl in grade school, that tween in middle school, the teen at high school graduation, that college girl figuring out her path in life, that young lady on her first day of her new corporate job, that new mother with an infant. Inside, I still feel like that same me who has been on this ride, every step of the way. She’s been there for every milestone, every ending and every new beginning.
In the sense of time, while I still feel young inside, my physical body is getting older. It comes up more frequently, thoughts about mortality. Not that I am going to die, but the fact that I am not getting any younger. I feel it more readily, more so now than ever before, the impact of time, the influence of time, the reality of time… because it is something that I do not have control of.
It’s the end of an era, or the start of a new one, depending upon how you view it. That young girl is still in there. All ages, stages, and phases of her have helped shaped me to who I am today. It is her story. My story. Our story. And regardless of age, what I do have control over, is her. And her story is still very much a work in progress.
Time. It’s true, time can change things. Time can take a toll, detour a path, modify the outcome.
Along the way on this path of life, you can alter off course, misplace your voice, lose your passion…. Sometimes it’s for the bigger and better, of things yet to come. Sometimes though, it’s a loss, a step that moves you further and further away from who you really are. Alternatively, now, inside resides a misplaced version of you, as someone who has taken her place.
It took me awhile to find my voice, my true voice. To know what it was, I wanted to be and do. I can honestly say I didn’t really know who I was in my twenties…. The life lessons of altered pathways, hard-work, loss, love, joy, hurt, heartache, mistakes, waiting, learning, getting by, living… you get it. These things caused diversions.
I realize now that when I did detour, when I lost my way…, the trials, tribulations, and hard lessons learned, made me stronger. All of the combined stories shaped who I am today. It is all of the different routes in my life, that have helped me to truly know and understand who I am. She would not be who she is, inside there, also learning too.
Perhaps you aren’t doing what you thought you’d be doing, or be where you thought you’d be with your so-called preconceived plans, notions or thoughts you formerly had in your head. Did you lose our way?
If so, don’t look for society to give you permission to be yourself. You can escape your box. She is in there. Go find her. You are still the writer of this story.
This past year, in my social circle of female friends, I’ve seen a lot of change and transition from women who are being true to themselves. These boss babes wear many hats as, a mom, wife, partner, entrepreneur, friend, daughter, volunteer, corporate executive, new business owner, etc.
There’s the fitness instructor that recently decided to go back to school, because she realized that being a nurse is her true calling. The divorced mom who used to be a high-powered banking executive, she just graduated and is on the path to helping others live their best lives. The mom whose husband passed away, she is rebuilding her life, has a new partner, a new house, a new job. The high-powered VP who said enough is enough, I’m not taking your shit anymore, she gave her two weeks notice and quit. The affluent banker that is also taking courses in leadership coaching. By choice, her professional course will soon be altered. The mom who’s getting back into real estate after taking a chunk of time off to raise her kids. The entrepreneur who has her own jewelry business and fashion line.
They are real women. And give or take a few years on either side, are fairly close to my age. If they can do it. You can do it too. So write and draw and build and play and dance. And live as only you can.
British actor Hugh Laurie said, “It’s a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you’re ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.”
So what are you waiting for?
If I could give a message to my younger self... The one thing that you have, that nobody else has is you. You have a voice. Use it. Always. Your voice, your mind, your wisdom. It is important to walk in your truth and always speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Do not make yourself small for other people to feel big. If someone does not treat you right, they do not deserve you. Walk away. Always listen to your inner whisper. 99.9% of the time, it’s spot on accurate. Do not wait for the light at the end of the tunnel, light that bitch up yourself.
Always be kind to others. More importantly, always be kind to you. Because when push comes to shove, you are the constant. Every time, do your best. When you show up authentic, you create space for others to do the same. Your behavior sets an example that can help someone else find their courage. It does not mean you have to be the best at what you do. To have an effect on someone, you just have to do it. To find your true you, you have to participate..
It’s not just for you. You are also a role model.
It’s for your husband. It’s for your children. It’s for your friends. It’s for the people that see you, even if they never acknowledge what you are doing. They are still watching. Set a good example by following your dreams, your passion. Lift up and empower other women. Show them what a strong woman can do. It’s for all of that. But most of all, it’s for her, that girl inside you. Do it for her.
So onward and upward I say! While my upcoming birthday may be the countdown to the end of one phase in time. I also think it is the start of something magically new. A new era. A new shift in focus. A new chapter. Age is relative, it’s all about mindset and I look forward to what the future holds.
Poet Tanya Markul wrote, “I asked my heart to tell me: How to change so I could feel worthy. What to do so I could be loved. How to look so that I could be enough. What to say so that I could be significant. How to think so that I could succeed. And it said: Stop trying to fit in with the people, places and things that make you feel unworthy, unloved, inadequate, insignificant and stagnant.”
With that being said, you can do it too. That rat race you never wanted to be in, go find your own lane. You may have to look for it, and work for it… you will definitely have to participate. But at any age, no matter how long you’ve lived on this earth, that little girl is still in there. She is your authentic self. Be true to her. She’s in there waiting for you. Go find her. I can help you with that. Email me at email@example.com.
You already are. It’s time to be.