I was. I did. I am.

I was. I did. I am.

To Be.

This past year has been a journey of change for me. It did not happen overnight. In fact, at times it seemed to happen so gradually that I often thought, “Am I really making progress?”

I was. I did. I am. 

In mid-2017 I was working at a job that was neither fulfilling nor healthy. I didn’t sleep well at night, and, when Sunday morning rolled around, I was already dreading Monday. Driving into work, I’d have a pit in my stomach. It hadn’t always been that way, I used to enjoy going to work.

The source of my anxiety was the unpredictable individual leading my team. Nice or mean — each day I never exactly knew what temperament I’d be dealing with. There was constant conflict and rivalry among our team members, and, if you didn’t kiss the team leader’s ass, you were not “in” with the rest of the group. I took notes to cover my back as proof that conversations and events had occurred. That documentation came in handy too many times to count. 

Though I was unhappy, on edge and had lost all passion for my work, the effort to make a change seemed utterly overwhelming. As a result, I did nothing... until one day I woke up completely fed-up with the corporate game-playing and I quit. The ironic thing was, wait for it… I was a consultant. Technically, I was not even an employee of the organization I’d served for almost five years. And what I was experiencing and feeling was sheer misery. What in the hell was wrong with me?! 

Beyond the fact that, as a consultant, I could have left ages ago, I realized that I had been putting up with a situation that I should have recognized and avoided from the outset. In my post-graduate work, I studied extensively rivalry between women in the workplace. It’s what I do — my thing. To find myself in a situation where I was experiencing what I had researched was baffling. It was a slow progression. I didn’t fully get it until I felt trapped with no way out. 

Taking the leap to do what I knew in my heart was the right decision provided me strength and peace. I felt a sense of exhilaration with my newfound freedom! It was like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The solution to the change I craved, however, was not immediately revealed. 

I interviewed for lots of new jobs and considered their pros and cons. And then I stopped and really listened to my inner voice. The little whisper I heard inside my head grew louder. “Where do you want to go, what do you want to be? What do you not want to be?” I knew I wanted time for family and work on my terms. And I wanted to impact change for women in the workplace.

A year later, here I am. I’ve reflected and mindfully taken steps toward my dream — to promote awareness about rivalry among women at work and to empower women to be who they really want to be--to be the change they want to be. To let women know they can step outside of the box that is preventing them from unlocking their full potential. 

I was. I did. I am. 

Launching To Be has been a journey leading to a destination where I and others can evolve and grow. The journey continues, and is part of many I will have. 

I knew I needed to change my professional course, and maybe you do, too. I can help you find your way to your own to be.

 

 

The Myth: It's Only a "Cat-fight"

The Myth: It's Only a "Cat-fight"